Questions Only the Future (and Maybe Dionne Warwick) Can Answer

May 16 2008 / by Jason / In association with Future
Category: Social Issues   Year: 2008   Rating: 8 Hot

By Jason M. Vaughn

Will ABC’s “Lost” conclude in a way that leaves me fulfilled? Or will I still not understand what that smoke monster thingy is?

If Victoria’s Secret ever comes out with an invisible bra, could anyone promise me that this bra will also be edible and packed with synthetic anti-oxidants called “Victorias”?

Will Michael Jackson’s nose outlive him, and then, after a dip in some supercharged stem-cell bath, possibly regenerate a brand-new Michael, or at least come back on stormy nights to haunt Janet?

Will overpopulation drive certain less-than-stable individuals to the realization that humans would make an excellent food source? (cont.)

Let’s say there’s this guy who’s not exactly happy with the look of his shinbones (this, uh, this friend of mine isn’t happy with his, so…). Anyway, will scientists be able to grow him some new ones in a lab somewhere? Ones without dents? Ooh, and could they also be made of Adamantium? My, uh, my friend really wants to know.

Will YouTube be allowed to exist again after the Internet reboot?

Will he-shes (they’d rather be called “polymorphs”) ever be accepted as contestants in the Miss America pageant? If so, is there any way we can just, you know, sort of let them skip the Swimsuit competition?

Also, just how long is Aubrey de Grey’s beard gonna get?

Photo courtesy of

Comment Thread (5 Responses)

  1. Well you’re almost there – this bra is sip-able, and I’m sure you can fill it with any antioxidant juice of your liking!

    Posted by: Marisa Vitols   May 16, 2008
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  2. Nice bra link, Marisa. Man, you gotta love the Japanese.

    Posted by: Jason   May 16, 2008
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  3. I’m no Dionne Warwick, but here are some guesses:

    1. LOST will leave us more fulfilled than did Twin Peaks. The writers seem to know where they are going, though it’s taking forever to get there. I’m betting the smoke monster will be explained, as will the polar bear.

    2. The engineers at VS are working hard on a variety of futuristic products, but their invisibility engineer was lured away by a group of card-counters at MIT who could use his services. So, nope.

    3. Michael will hopefully be able to regrow his nose in 20 years or so.

    4. This “I am Legend” future will only occur where there is great calorie scarcity, like on a moon colony.

    5. Layered bone growth, yes, sooner than you might expect. Adamantium much much later, perhaps moot upon upload.

    6. How could humans live without YouTube?

    7. Will regular humans be allowed into the I, Polymorph competition?

    8. Aubrey de Grey has vowed not to shave until the Singularity.

    Posted by: Alvis Brigis   May 19, 2008
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  4. Is that true about Aubrey? If so that’s hilarious

    Posted by: Marisa Vitols   May 20, 2008
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  5. Layered bone growth. Cool. I’m so happy to hear—I mean, my friend will be so happy to hear that.

    Posted by: Jason   May 20, 2008
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