Hookup Maps Mashes Geography & Booty Calls - What Will it Look Like in 2013?

October 23 2008 / by Alvis Brigis
Category: Relationships   Year: 2013   Rating: 7 Hot

Have a burning desire to hook-up? Thanks to newly launched service Hookup Maps, a site that mashes up Craig’s List hook-up posts with Google Maps, it just got a bit easier to quickly locate that casual encounter you may be looking for.

Considering the persistent human demand for such meetings, I’m actually a bit surprised it took so long for such a hybrid (see map at right) to launch. But I have no doubt that this and other similar mapping services will catch on very quickly. In fact, some bloggers are already calling for a related GPS-enabled iPhone or Android app which, considering how easy it is to create such a program, I expect will be up inside of a month from now.

But what about 5 years from now? Here’s a brief scenario.

Hook-up Mapping Circa 2013: It’s Sunday morning and 21-year-old Jacob is itching for some action, having struck out at the local bar the previous night. He turns on his projector wall and accesses his Love Web account. Because he resides in rural, mountainous upstate NY Jacob is a big fan Love Web not only because it enables frequent, safe and exciting rendezvous with the local women and men that line up with his criteria, but also for the money he saves on gas and expensive dates. This helps Jacob to spend more time on his MIT distance education courses and pursue his true passion, open-ended MMORG’s, which serve as a significant source of Jacob’s scant but growing income.

He begins the process by first selecting his criteria. He’s looking for someone fun, moderately attractive, not over 36, not prone to attachment, but it’s alright if they’ve hooked up before. The search turns up 13 matches in the neighboring 15 miles, which is pretty decent for 11am on a Sunday in Greene County.

This opens up some options for Jacob, so he decides to run the Booty Call video interview application. As Booty Call runs its course Jacob gets real-time glimpses of the locals looking to get some. He immediately nixes those that appear tired, unappealing or who are broadcasting from an undesirable environment, narrowing it down to 4 women and two men.

Booty Call then moves on to Round 2 in which the remaining targets answer questions that Jacob has pre-loaded into the queue. This process helps Jacob to eliminate two additional candidates that don’t match up to his profile preferences through semantic comparison and personality estimation.

Now that he’s down to 3 women and 1 man, Jacob makes visible his profile to the final interviewees. One female immediately reverses her offer having hooked-up with him 3 weeks prior. I guess she wasn’t as into me as I thought. Oh well, you win some you lose some.

The remaining 3 each request a Booty Call from Jacob and he happily obliges via his visor cam. All three are still interested, and two indicate they are willing to make the trek to Jacob’s pad in order to engage.

Now that it’s 50:50 between Ralph and Laurie, Jacob pays $2, 99 cents a pop, to run a more detailed web background check on the both of them.

Laurie, 32, proves to be a web journalist who’s lived in the region for over 5 years. She has a normal amount of social connections, an estimated health quotient that fits into Jacob’s preferred range, is known to be rather talkative, has hooked up with 4 of Jacob’s network friends in the last 6 months, and scores very high on the compatibility and experience charts. But there’s a deal-breaker. Laurie happens to work in the same office as Jacob’s mother and so he immediately crosses her off the list. He sends an explanation video to her and lets her know that if she ever takes on another job that he would be very interested in placing her on his hook-up short-list.

Darn, hopefully Ralph will match-up. I really don’t feel like driving or avaporn today.

Ralph, 27, turns out to be unemployed, but is taking a few classes and seems to be a moderately capable Spore creator. He scores low on social connections, has a lower but acceptable health quotient, is identified as the “silent brooding” type, has hooked up with 2 of Jacob’s friends in the past 18 months, and scores very low on the compatibility charts. However, the experience estimator predicts that there is an 82% likelihood of a positive hook-up for Jacob.

Jacob calls Ralph to invite him over, then scrambles to clean his room and find the STD swabs that he so frequently has misplaced.

It’s looking like a decent afternoon for Jacob and yet another successful match facilitated by Love Web, the descendant of eHarmony and Hookup Maps.

via Lifehacker

Comment Thread (3 Responses)

  1. Wow, all we need to do is add in anonymous STD messages and you’ve got everything taken care of!

    Posted by: martymcfly   October 23, 2008
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  2. Makes me wish I was single. This’ll give you locations of the best places to hook-up.

    Posted by: John Heylin   October 23, 2008
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  3. Spore creator ability is a factor for a hook up? Though I think this sounds like a moderately reasonable, and humorous future scenario, it’s nothing I would want. Call me the monogamous type. But jeez, knowing who has hooked up with your friends? Ah well, I guess for some, that kind of information is already on facebook.

    Posted by: Mielle Sullivan   October 23, 2008
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